Acting as the expedition leader

A good conversationalist is capable of leading people on a mutual expedition toward understanding.

The common ways to imagine guiding a conversation are to ask questions, invite stories, or to generally encourage others to share with you. You can expand your conversational flexibility by finding less usual ways. Intentionally trying to foster exchange—having a clear “this is what I’m bringing to give them” and “this is what I hope to get in return”—is uncommon in conversations.

Being a mediocre conversationalist is easy. Being a good conversationalist is hard. As I’ve tried to understand how to become a better conversationalist, I’ve found that I’ve had to overcome weird ideas about what a good conversationalist is like. A lot of people think a good conversationalist is someone who can tell funny stories. That’s a raconteur, but it’s not a conversationalist. A lot of people think a good conversationalist is someone who can offer piercing insights on a range of topics. That’s a lecturer, but not a conversationalist. A conversationalist is a master of fostering a two-way exchange. A good conversationalist is capable of leading people on a mutual expedition toward understanding.

~ David Brooks from How to Know a Person

Good leadership should move us towards a goal, but it should also help those led to grow. Thus providing leadership is also providing opportunity for growth. One can provide leadership in exchange for direct assistance in reaching a goal. This sort of leadership exchange rises to the level of expedition leadership. One isn’t simply leading people in a random direction: There’s a clear goal and possibly serious costs to failure.

So what’s your expedition’s goal? How will you and your expedition members adapt to what you encounter? How will you, as expedition leader, find ways to achieve, and also to help people to grow?

How would your next conversation differ if you imagined leading a two-person expedition?

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