Our common desire for understanding

We must bootstrap our self-awareness and use that to work on our humility and curiosity.

Everyone wants to be better understood. I know I do. You know you do, and from you and I it’s easy to extrapolate to saying “everyone.” But don’t take my word for it, ask people. Convince yourself (if you’re not already) that we have a shared desire for being understood.

As I’ve said many times, here we find intention playing a critical role. What’s often missing, which makes conversation fall flat? Is it having the right intention? I think it’s failing to have any intention. Starting from “I want to be better understood” is obvious. But instead of intending to be better understood by the other, we must intend to better understand the other.

The intention of dialogue is to reach new understanding and, in doing so, to form a totally new basis from which to think and act. In dialogue, one not only solves problems, on dissolves them. We do not merely try to reach agreement, we try to create a context from which many new agreements might come.

~ Willliam Isaacs from Dialogue: The Art of Thinking Together

We must manage our own expectations first. We must bootstrap our self-awareness and use that to work on our humility and curiosity.

Can we always have, or create, great conversations? No, of course not. That said…

Can you imagine what a world of better conversation would be like?

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