Are you actually interested?

It could simply be a lack of interest in other people.

Many people claim to dislike small talk. Certainly there are times when I’m tired and don’t have the energy for any conversation. But generally, I find small talk interesting and engaging. Many disagree. I’ve wondered if professed dislike of small talk doesn’t stem from deep reasons; How could it not?

Anthropologists liken small talk to grooming among primates, largely because it stimulates the snug sense of belonging that makes socializing a joy. […] This view minimizes small talk’s multi-fangled role as conversation’s warm-up act. […] Not only does small talk enable the big by scouting topics, but it sets conversation’s tone, pace, and rhythm; scanning sensibilities, locking on to affinities, massaging minds and goodwill. All of which makes it a virtuoso instrument of social orchestration.

~ Catherine Blyth, p45 The Art of Conversation

It obvious that a dislike of small talk might arise from a fear of being judged. But that feels too easy. And while it’s a painful-enough assessment, the real cause may be even worse. It could simply be a lack of interest in other people.

Are you actually interested in learning what’s within other people?

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