Each conversation exists in a particular mode – chit-chat, small talk, professional, gossip, intimate, banter, and thousands of others. Figuring out which we are in is the first thing we do when we begin interacting with someone, since each mode comes with its own norms. If you let someone go on with their gossip only to declare at the end that you will go and tell others now, you’ve betrayed them in an important way by breaking the norm. Similarly if you derail an important work meeting just to flirt with your boss.

~ Idil Çakmur from, To have deeper conversations, try being more of an asshole

As someone who always overthinks things, I’m hesitant to advocate additional meta-thinking. But being aware of the mode (as Çakmur puts it) is just something I naturally and automatically do.

For me this, this comes up as my (trying to) understand everyone’s expectations. Only then is there a chance for me to at least adjust mine, and at most to adjust others’.

How about you?

ɕ