Self-awareness as the master key

We must imagine clearly and in detail where a conversation could go, and then be aware of where it actually goes.

Intention is about having some reason for a conversation. If we want intentional conversations, then we must spend some time in self-reflection to discover those reasons.

If we want to get the most out of our conversations, it’s not enough to dive in with some general intention (of goodwill, for example.) Our intentions for each conversation should be as specific as possible: A desire to learn something specific about the world; A curiosity about a particular period in our conversation partner’s journey; An idea we want to share with them.

Merely to chatter is easy. All that it requires is to say the first thing that comes into your head and let the words come pouring out, heedless of the consequences. But to talk resultfully, to exchange words with others who may be hostile or suspicious or indifferent or even friendly, in such a way that they will have for you a greater liking, a greater respect, a greater desire to coincide with your wishes—that is one of the most glorious arts which men have practiced, and one of the most difficult.

~ Milton Wright from, The Art of Conversation

Then, in the moments of our conversations, we face the challenge of paying attention to where our attention lies. It’s one thing to begin with intentions, but we must imagine clearly and in detail where a conversation could go, and then be aware of where it actually goes.

Only then do we have a chance of having any input on how the overall conversation develops. We can use our reasons and intentions as the map, and our attention as the compass.

For your next conversation, what reasons and intentions will you have?

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