Open + Curious

Releasing preconceptions can lead to delight. We have little chance of being creative if we know, or think we know, where things are headed. In conversation we find tension within ourselves from our competing desires to lead and to follow. For genuine connection to develop, we must release our preconceptions of who the other person…

Encountering vistas changes us. “What do we want to create together?” presents a vista. We figuratively stand here and now with our partner, and we look forward to the future. Physically encountering vistas changes us. We shift the direction we are facing, and at what distance our eyes are focused. We take a deep breath,…

Silence can be an active process of giving. When we choose silence, we’re giving the other person our own time to process their thoughts, feelings, and experiences without feeling rushed or judged. Silence is not simply waiting to speak; it can be an active process of giving. There is so much that can be conveyed…

Getting better at conversation is not just for special conversations. My goal is simply to make every conversation I have better than yesteryear-me would have done with it. To improve, we have to decide first how we’d like our conversations to be different. Improving our (and those we converse with’s) sense of connection is a…

How do we decide which silences to fill? We should sit with the silence for a few beats when we find ourselves admiring something profound. Profound silence is too rare. It’s important to understand what’s appearing in our conversation as it happens. We can have a flow of thought between us, or we can have…

We each live our lives looking out from behind our own eyes. To each of our conversation partners though, we are an unknown. We are like everyone else they have ever encountered. We are the Other Person. Recognizing our status as a full-time Other Person could certainly help us be more humble and more aware…

We can only listen to one person at a time. That means comprehension will be harder for any listeners than it is for the participants in a conversation. I’d like you to consider manipulating cadence to create conversations that are easier to understand. If you and I are conversing, I have only to listen to…

Non-verbal communication is not lost with audio-only podcasts. There are subtle clues such as gestures with the head and arms, tension in the body, and variations in breathing which listeners are aware of subconsciously. These clues color the listener’s impressions. Keep in mind that your expectations about people are communicated to them nonverbally. It has…

If I want to improve, then there is no substitute for objective feedback, and for that I need a recording. It’s critical to listen to conversations with an ear towards improving. After a long conversation, stop and try to remember what you have just discussed. Don’t be surprised if many things, sometimes even everything you…

Some amount of tension is necessary in a conversation. I’ve seen conversations between close partners flop, with no spark. I’ve also seen sexual tension drive spectacular conversations. The burning question I have is: Can we successfully manufacture good tension? When done well, both giving and taking create what psychologists call affordances: features of the environment…